I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
