: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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