i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
