I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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