im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
