The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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