i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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