Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
