Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
