you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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