I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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