I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
