Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
