Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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