drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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