He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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