I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
