C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
