I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
why is half of my head shaved?
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