I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
