matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
