I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
