Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
