Where is the hickey?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
