party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
