there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
