When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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