if i can run in heels then i can drive
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
