i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
