Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
