I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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