lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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