I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well you can't waste a boner
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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