would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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