We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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