We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
