Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
