sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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