Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
