I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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