he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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