I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
