just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
