great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
