that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
