Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
