My hand turned me down
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My feet surprised me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize