I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
