It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
