and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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