I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
