i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
