winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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