based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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