Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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