ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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