He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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