Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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