i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
