when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dick very happy bro
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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