i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
