At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
