Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
