wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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