Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
