rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
