I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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