is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
