the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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