matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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